To many words

Get in my car and it says please fasten your seat belt, in a very annoying voice
What I should have said: Go Fuck yourself

Arrive at Starbucks she says will that be a Grande or a Latte?
What I should have said: I have no clue Ms I have been coming here since you were a sperm and I still do not have a clue which one is a large give me the biggest one and quit asking every time.

Land at the gym my boxing instructor QUIT HOLDING YOUR BREATH!
What I really say NO YOU ARE TRYING TO HIT ME

Leave and call Comcast nice voice on other end Do you mind if I place you on hold for a minuet?
What I should have said: Yes I mind you are a lier and you will place me on hold for at least a half hour. Hello?

Give up and go to the bank sir I will need two pieces of ID
What I should have said: It is a fifty dollar check and you have been waiting on me for years now so how about you roll it up and stuff it in your butt.

Drive to Mikes Car Wash and hand the guy a free car wash coupon, to which he says I noticed brake dust on your wheels would you like to upgrade your wash for an additional three dollars?
What I should have said: No you didn’t it is a new car what you need to notice is the bug guts all over the windshield that you will not get cleaned off every time I am here.

My first customer “Don’t mind the dog he is fine.”
What I should have said: Oh you mean the one that has bit my partner twice now?

5:30 am Sun peaking in the window
What I should have said: Ta Hell with it roll over and go back to sleep

But I won’t.

Beauty secrets from the other side of the gym

I just read an article on the beauty secrets of stars like Jessica Alba, Ryan Reynolds, Kate Beckinsale and others no I do not know why I read it. The article had great advice from them about how to work out and other tid bits of bullshit.

Let me help you with the truth folks they are all young, pampered, born pretty, have nutricitionist and trainers 24-7, professional photographers, make up artist, air brushed pictures, limo drivers, servants, jobs that ensure they will never get hurt, people to handle their day to day stresses and so on. Don’t misunderstand my point I am not begrudging anyone any thing just the opposite I praise their achievement, the point is simply at 30 years old don’t tell me about your work out routine there is a lot more than that going in to their hot bodies. My issue is most importantly some young girl is out there reading the same article beating her self up on why can’t she be that pretty and losing her own self worth when she is already just fine the way God made her she does not need this type of bull in her life.

So the fact is that I am currently training between two and three hours a day does not give you the right to tell me “oh my beauty secret is working out” because I promise you that you are not hitting it as hard as me and then going to work or working on 23 acres of land. So the next time my stinky, now balding and pooch carrying droopy ass sees you on a tread mill for 12 minuets drinking vitamin water I just might join you and see if I can keep up. Here is a nice side note I usually wear the same gym cloths for two or three days this morning I threw on my gym shirt and it was still wet from 24 hours prior work out. I wonder how these stars feel about walking farts because I can do that to.

Happy Fathers Day

I think my Blog was to let my kids know who I was when I am gone –no I am not going anywhere.- But there are things that is best not shared and other things that the words just don’t seem to come, but there are still a few things that I hope you all know for ever and ever. I am proud of each of you and love you all very much my dream for you is simple be happy, Love Dad

Give thanks for your worries

There is an Indian saying that goes something like “I complained I had no moccasins until I met a man with no feet.” It is easy to bitch and complain about things until you step back and think about them. I was upset today that it was raining again I am behind with my window customers and I have lots of yard work to do also but then I thought grow up you have a great yard to work and others don’t have any yard and you will reschedule your jobs while there are others standing in the unemployment line. I have been upset with my kids in the past and then realized what a great set of kids I have I am the one that chose to raise kids the dumb shit is just part of the deal. I have some tough financial decisions going on right now and then I thought about people who are worried about where their next meal is coming from. So at the end of the day I must say thanks to my God for my worries because they are worries I can live with.

Momma went to the store today she knows her man!

Really I’m still hungry?

1 pot of coffee
2 granola bars
2 eggs
2 pieces of bacon
2 pieces of toast
1 piece of red velvet cake
1 roast beef sandwich
2 slices of Colby cheese
2 deviled eggs
2 glasses of Tea
2 helpings of baked beans
Torte chips
1 slice of chocolate cake
2 more glasses of Tea
1 helping of corn
1 helping of pasta
2 filet minion steaks
2 large size cookies
1 glass of milk

I wish I could say I was lying but the truth is I think I forgot a few things.